How does reunion affect natural mothers?

Birth Mothers And Reunion

Research has shown that the majority of birth mothers would welcome a reunion with their adult children. Though some mothers choose not to search our their children for fear of rejection, or concern that their child is not interested in being found, others actively seek out their sons and daughters as soon as possible. This can be a difficult situation as both adopted adults and biological parents sometimes refrain from searching, even though they desperately want to reunite. Adoptees can take comfort in knowing that quite frequently their biological mothers will be elated to be found; their search efforts will not have been wasted.

It's important to understand that reuniting can bring up many distressing emotions for birth mothers. Seeing the child, from whom they were separated, now as a grown person is a reminder of all the time they lost as that child's parent. Although many reunited families go on to develop beautiful and satisfying relationships, nothing can make up for the lost time. It is extremely common for both parties involved in a reunion to become consumed with one another and with the reunion itself.

If this is happening to you, there is no need to be alarmed. Just be aware that reunions seem to go through an initial honeymoon period before settling in to a more comfortable, or complex, relationship. You may benefit from support during this time, either from a qualified therapist or a group of parents who have shared experiences with adoption, loss, and reunion.

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