Acknowledging Parenthood

In addition to understanding the complexity of adoption loss, it is critical that you understand and identify the birth mothers as a mother. A mother who has surrendered her child to adoption is still a mother; she has been separated from her child, but she has not surrendered her motherhood.

You would never expect a mother to simply get over the kidnapping of her first born child. You would never tell a mother that she could replace her stillborn with more children someday. You would never suggest that a mother was better off for the death of her child. Mothers who have experienced adoption loss report hearing these things frequently over the course of their lives. They are expected to get over their losses, replace their firstborns with other children, and accept that they are better off without their babies. Regardless of your position and feelings on the subject of adoption, it's important to understand the birth mother's role in the adoption process and treat her with respect.