A birthmother should choose an adoption agency that she feels comfortable working with. In addition to comfort levels, you should find an agency that fits your individual needs. You may want to speak with the birthmother counselor first to see who you will be working with, find out about her credentials, and find out whether or not she is also the counselor for the adoptive parents. You should be sure to have several counseling sessions before beginning to look at adoptive parent profiles.
A birthmother should also understand legal adoption procedures. You should talk to the agency's attorney to understand your rights, correctly understand the information that you are given, have a review of the paperwork you will fill out, and can anticipate when and where documents will be signed. You may want a pre- or post-placement support group. In this case, you will want to work with an agency that either has support groups for birthmothers, or has the resources to refer you to one.
Medical costs can affect the selection of an adoption agency. If you do not have healthcare, the agency can help you apply for state assistance if you want it. If you would rather go through privately funded medical care, you have the right to, but be sure you work with an agency that has adopting parents who are willing to pay for your medical expenses and are allowed by law to do so. You want to be sure that you will be covered for prenatal, labor and delivery, and post-delivery recovery costs.
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Putting up a Baby for Adoption
Adoption is a legal process in which a child is permanently placed with new parents. The adoption process is completed in court when the parents are given all of the rights and responsibilities of legal parents and the child becomes a family member. The rights of the adoptive parents are assumed only after the court has determined the rights of the biological parents have been voluntarily terminated or terminated by the court. At the finalization hearing, the judge will review the adopting parents information as well as ask questions of the adopting parents and possibly the child. It the judge approves, the adoption is finalized and an Adoption Decree is issued. In most cases, the court orders that a new birth certificate be issued with the child's new name and the names of the adopting parents.
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Counseling
It is extremely important that a birthmother at least consider some type of counseling during the adoption process. A adoption agency can help her to look at her options as well as sort out her feelings. She is making a life altering decision and should feel that she has thoroughly explored her choices. A birthparent counselor can help her to decide if she is making the right decision both for her own life and the life of her child. An adoption agency can provide a birthmother with professional adoption counselors who will give objective advice.
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Prenatal Care in Adoption
It is important for an expectant mother to get medical care throughout her pregnancy. Prenatal care involves regular check-ups and routine tests to monitor the health of the baby. A physician will check to be sure that the pregnancy is progressing in a healthy manner as well as maintain a safe pregnancy and delivery. The physician will also advise the patient on nutrition and allowable activities during pregnancy.
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Birthparent Rights
Whether or not a birthmother has planned adoption for a child, she is the legal parent of the child upon birth until she signs the termination of parental rights. Therefore, she has the right to make all the decisions regarding her child including choosing the name that is printed on the child's original birth certificate.
As open adoption becomes more common, so does adoptive parent interaction in the hospital. It is important for the birthmother to remember that her time in the hospital is her time with her child, and she should feel free to request some alone time. Birthmothers also have the right to take home hospital bracelets, first photographs, and other hospital items that they choose.
It is advised that a birthmother be direct with her adoption agency as well as write in her birth plan the hospital items that she would like to keep. Creating a birth plan will help outline the birthmother's wishes for how things are done in the hospital. The birth plan is only for the medical staff working with the birthmother, and they are required by law not to disclose any of the information.
Once a birth plan is created, it is not set in stone. The birthmother may feel differently once she is in the hospital and she has a right to change parts of her birth plan. She should also expect to be emotional and have second thoughts. She is still the legal parent until she signs the termination of parental rights, and she can decide when and where she wants to complete those forms.
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Financial Assistance by Adopting Parents
In most states, the adoptive parents can legally only pay for a birthmother's medical and legal expenses. Some states allow parents to assist the birthmother with housing or pregnancy costs such as groceries or maternity clothes. All birthmother expenses must be carefully documented and shown to the court processing the adoption. No states allow adopting parents to make any payments that may be viewed as a reward for placing her child for adoption.
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Putative Fathers
A putative father is the alleged father of a child, or claims to be the father of a child when there is no proof at the time that he is the actual father. Putative fathers have parental rights, though they do not have as many rights as unwed mothers or married couples. The state has almost complete control of the rights a putative father is given in court adoption hearings and the termination of parental rights. Some states have created voluntary putative father registries where men on the list must be notified before a child can be placed for adoption.
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Involving Your Family in the Adoption
As you prepare to place your child for adoption with an adoptive family, your family will also need to prepare. It is important to remember that though you have many thoughts and emotions running through your head, so do the people who are close to. You can help your family through your adoption process by being open with them. You should realize that they may not understand your actions or your feelings and the best that you can do is be honest and patient.
If your parents are having a hard time coping, you may want to have them accompany you to the doctor or the adoption agency. You may even want to set up an individual appointment with an adoption counselor for them. Parents may also want to make something for the baby, such as a journal or a scrapbook to help them through the adoption process. It is important to realize that the birthmother's parents will experience a loss as well, and they have every right to grieve that loss.
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Labor and Delivery in Adoption
Before it is time to go to the hospital, the expectant mother will want to pack some things to take with her. These items may include: the birth plan, watch with seconds hands (to time contractions), a pen and pad of paper (for writing down contraction times), comfortable clothes for the hospital stay, a robe, socks, slippers, hair band, lip moisturizer, snacks, reading materials, toiletries, sanitary napkins, and a going home outfit.
The mother may want to record information about the birth process either for her knowledge for future pregnancies, or to share with her child. This type of information may include: duration of labor and delivery, complications during labor that may have occurred, any medications that were taken, reaction to anesthesia that was given, information about the delivery, the time of delivery, and the information about the baby at birth.
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Choosing to Plan Adoption
Before a birthmother can start to plan adoption, she must be aware of her options. She must weigh out the choices of terminating her pregnancy, planning an adoption, or parenting the child. She should use the option that she believes is best for both herself and her child.
She should thoroughly consider why she is planning an adoption, if it is fully her decision, and if she is comfortable sharing this information with her child at some point. The next thing to consider is the type of adoption the birthmother wants to pursue. She should educate herself on the degrees of openness there can be in an adoption. She may feel she just wants periodic pictures and updates of how her child is doing, or she may want regular direct contact with the adopting family.
She needs to also decide what she is looking for in an adopting family. The birthmother should also consider the other people in her life and their reactions to her adoption plan, especially the birthfather. The birthmother may wish to create a journal or scrapbook of her thoughts and decisions during her pregnancy that she can share with her child.
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Telling Friends and Family about the Pregnancy and Plans for Adoption
At some point during a pregnancy, it may become necessary to reveal the unexpected pregnancy to friends and/or family. If you feel uncomfortable addressing the issue on your own, you may want to have a friend or counselor with you. You may feel more comfortable having this person tell the news for you, but you will have to be ready to discuss the subject further afterwards. It is important to remember that some people's initial reactions may be shock or anger. You may need to give some of your families and friends time to work through their feelings before they are able to be supportive of you.
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Creating a Birth Plan
An expectant mother want to write a birth plan to be sure that her labor and delivery go as she would like them to. The mother should speak with her doctor to examine the options that are open to her before she creates her birth plan. She should also read about the options that are available to her. She may have a very simple or a very detailed plan of what she wants to happen in the hospital. The mother should review her plan with her physician and provide copies for him, her labor and delivery nurse and her labor coach. If the mother has planned adoption, her birth plan should give instructions on if and when she would like the adopting parents to participate.
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Birthparent Coping
It is important to recognize that birthparents need time to grieve after they plan a child for adoption. Although the birthparents have decided that they wanted to plan an adoption and are happy with the adopting parents they chose, they still need to grieve the loss of their child. The first year will be the hardest on the birthparent, and they should allow themselves enough time to grieve. Birthparents may look to family and close friends to help them through their grieving process, but it is often hard to others to understand what a birthparent is going through if they haven't experienced in their own life.
It is important for family and friends to be supportive, but also that birthparents realize that others may not really know how to help them cope. Birthparents should determine realistic expectations of others. If the support they need isn't available through friends and family, they should search for a counselor or support group for help.
After the placement of the child, the birthparent may feel detached from friends and not enjoy activities they used to love quite as much. As the birthparents work towards recovery, they will regain a more positive outlook on life. In open adoptions, establishing a relationship with the child may be very difficult for the birthparents at first. The birthparents should keep a realistic view about the relationship they hope to establish and that it may be hard to see pictures of their child with another set of parents at first.
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