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Adoption Placement Tips
Interstate Compact Laws
Adoptions that take place in two different states (the birthmother lives in one state while the adopting parents live in another) require some additional procedures. The Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC) affects all 50 states, the District of Columbia and the U.S. Virgin Islands. ICPC ensures that the laws of both states are observed in an adoption, establishes that the movement of children across state lines is legal, and maintains that the child is protected. Proof of Compliance with the ICPC is required at the finalization of the adoption. If the acting agency has failed to comply to the ICPC requirements, they may suffer major consequences, including the loss of their license.
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Speaking with the Adopting Parents
Speaking with the adopting parents can be very stressful for both the birthmother and the potential adoptive parents. The birthmother has selected a couple that she likes and would now like to speak with them. The meeting is a time for the birthmother to ask any questions she may not have been able to answer by reading the adopting parents' profiles.
The birthmother may want to prepare some questions she wants to ask the adopting couple such as how long they have been married, information about their other children, why do they want to adopt, how do they plan to discipline, or what values do they hope to instill in their children. The birthmother wants to gain a picture of the adoptive couple and how they would care for her child. The social worker or adoption professional will be present for the conversation to fix lulls in the conversations, help present questions, and keep everyone at ease. If the birthmother feels that the couple is not a match after the meeting, she should tell her adoption counselor. Speaking with the couple does not contract a definite match, and both sides should feel free to decline if they are uncomfortable.
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Dealing with Doubt
Experiencing feelings of doubt is normal for any birthmother. Doubts may increase towards the end of her pregnancy or during her hospital stay. A birthmother may also have her doubts years after placement. A birthmother will always have moments when she wonders how things may have been different. It is important to note that having doubts is a normal and healthy experience. A birthmother should be honest with her self and take the time to consider and explore her doubts. Only when she investigates where her doubts come from, will she be able to gather peace of mind.
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Birthmother Emotions
Placing a child with adoptive parents is not an easy decision for any birthmother. The birthmother can expect to feel grief over the loss of her child. It is also normal that she will feel ashamed of her decision to put her baby up for adoption or guilt for not raising her baby herself. It is important for the birthmother to acknowledge that she will need a grieving period after placement. Birthmothers are highly recommended to seek counseling when planning and after placing a child for adoption. She should also seek support from understanding family and friends.
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Support After Placement
After placing a child, the birthparents should seek support from others who understand what they are dealing with and have a positive outlook. If family and friends cannot provide the support the birthparents want, they should look into counseling, support groups, or online support groups that may better fit their needs. Birthparents should be aware that they have experienced some major changes in their lives by becoming parents, choosing an adoption plan, and grieving the loss of their child. They should not try to ignore these changes and jump back into the everyday lives immediately. They need to recognize the changes within themselves, seek appropriate support, and ease back into their normal lives.
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Relinquishment
The most important part of the legal adoption process is to have an understanding of what is happening. The birthmother should educate herself about what papers she will be signing and what they mean. She can work with her adoption agency to go over all of the documents she will sign before she puts her signature on it. The birthmother may also ask for copies of the documents that she signed so she can look over them later. Once the papers are signed, a court date will be determined to finalize the adoption.
The birthmother should not sign any papers until she is certain of her decision. After the relinquishment process, it is very unlikely that the birthmother will be able to win her case to have her child returned to her. The amount of days a mother has to change her mind after signing the termination of her parental rights varies by state. After the relinquishment process is complete, the birthmother's rights are severed, unless she can prove that she was forced, under duress, or part of the adoption process was illegally performed.
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Preparing for Placement
A birthmother should anticipate, before going into the hospital, how placement will proceed. The time the birthmother has in the hospital will be very emotional and confusing, so planning out the placement will make things go more smoothly. The birthmother should consider the following things: informing the hospital staff of her adoption and birth plans, considering which family members and friends she would like to accompany or visit her in the hospital, how much she wants to care for the child in the hospital (does she was do feed the baby or will the adopting parents participate), what items she would like to take home with her (ID bracelets, baby blankets, etc.). and how she wants to leave the hospital.
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Birthmother's Day
Birthmother's Day is a holiday that is celebrated the Saturday before Mother's Day for adopting parents to commemorate the birthmothers in their lives. Some support groups may offer ceremonies to celebrate Birthmother's Day. Other parents choose to celebrate the holiday by sending a card, a letter, or flowers to the birthmother.
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Choosing an Adopting Family
A birthmother has the right to decide what family she wants to place her child with. She can determine what type of parents she feels would best care for her child. She can review adopting parents' information through profiles or dear birthmother letter. The birthmother can review profiles that are given to her through an adoption agency or by looking at profiles posted on the Internet. The birthmother can find parents of a particular race, religion, age, location or whether or not they have any other children. Once she has chosen a family she likes, she can work with her adoption agency to meet with the family either in person or on the phone. These are the kinds of birthparent services an adoption agency can provide. Choosing an adopting family should be based on the birthmother's needs and comfort levels.
